Eenie meenie miney moe...catch my life-path by the toe...

First off, I want to apologize. I feel as though “CPthatsme” has turned into more of a personal blog as of late. It’s become a place for me to share my rambling mind with cyber space and whoever else stumbles across this thing (apparently quite a few of you? 193 of you checked out my resume…soo….)

Anyways, I’m sorry for drifting from wacky shoes and pointless vlogs. Heh.

I’ll blame it on the craziness of life currently.

I must admit, it’s been a nice outlet, a place to organize my thoughts into letters, then words, then sentences, then paragraphs... Somehow it helps me feel a little bit more in control of the chaos I seem to be currently surrounded by.

I guess I have a lot of decisions to make. There are quite a few “life paths” I could choose from and quite a few directions which look appealing for one reason or another. 

Last week, I was 100% set on going to California; today I’m not so sure. 

Maybe I’m scared? Maybe I’m starting to feel the heavy dose of reality. Maybe I’m just overreacting. Maybe I just have too many gosh-darn awesome dreams. Gah! All these “maybes” are making me feel like I just stepped off of a gut-jostling fair ride.

I’m barely in my 20’s. Jeepers Creepers, I should chill out and be more worried about finding a good eye cream. Or something.

But, that’s not what I’m freaking out about. Nope, forget the eye-cream…today I’m freaking out about wanting to be an animator.Over the past few years Ive had multiple conversations with people about going back to school for animation. It’s no secret I have a love affair with Pixar (and OK, any well-done animated film…Yes, that’s right, I’m giving a shout out to How to Train Your Dragon.) I mean, come on, Ive applied to Pixar 17 times and google searched; “How to get a tour at Pixar studios”, “How to bribe the guards to let you into Pixar animation studios”… “How to sneak through the security at Pixar animation studios” and “How to use tear gas on security guards.” Maybe I have an unhealthy obsession? Naw. This is pretty normal…

”Pixar” would make a cute baby name, eh?

I’m kidding, mom.

I want to tell stories. Underneath it all, I just want to tell amazing, inspiring stories with my life. I enjoy using the medium of filmmaking to do this and I’ve really liked learning about how it’s done using filmmaking techniques at Cornerstone. However, I don’t know if I could dedicate myself to that mode of artwork for my whole life. Sometimes, it scares me to realize how monotonous I occasionally think filmmaking is. The camera, the release forms, the live actors, the over-emotional director…

Somebody tell me, is it something you ABSOLETELY have to love? Should you absolutely adore waking up to your craft? And if you don't...is something wrong? I look around at my fellow classmates and sometimes feel inadequate next to them when it comes to movie-making interest and out of classroom knowledge. Most of them are enraptured by an emotionally stirring short-film, or delighted to hear about the new-current-trend. That’s not me. I don’t seek things out as much as I should, or wish I did in fact. I wish I could be completely in love with my chosen craft. I wish something would just go off in my head and I would spend hours upon hours studying and analyzing different lighting techniques, cameras, or even producer programs. But… I don’t. Instead I watch behind the scene films about how many facial anchor muscles “Woody” from Toystory has in his face.

(In case you were wondering he has over 200 articulated facial muscles in his face alone. Moreover, he has over 700 different controls in his body that let you rotate his arm at the elbow or the wrist, bend and rotate his hat…and so forth…)

See? That stuff amazes me. Animators aren’t bound by what they can and cannot put into the frame. They aren’t bound by locations or bad actors…it’s just completely, pure imagination and artistry that goes into each frame.

That is the pure creativeness I long for.

I’m AM happy with what I’m doing now. I’m happy telling stories through standard filmmaking and video techniques…but…but...

And I guess I’ll leave it at that...the cliff-hanging, "but". 

Cliff-hanging. "but"? That sounds disgusting. I should have thought through a better analogy. 

Whatever.

Anyways, yesterday I stumbled across a program called Animation Mentor. It’s an online, 18 month, animation school started by a couple of current Pixar/Dreamworks animators. I’d give my right arm to be able to do the program. It’s just too bad my right arm isn’t worth $18,928, a one time registration fee of $175, the price of a new computer, and the price of Maya, combined. (However, in the grand scheme of things, it's a WHOLE lot cheaper than going back to school for four years.)

Time to start collecting Pop cans.

Oh, as a side note, I would like to point out that popcans are called popcans…not sodacans.( <  that was for you, boyfriend.) 

If I could get a full time job in Grand Rapids, which allows me to be able to make small payments and afford this Animation Mentor program; I’d consider pushing California back…again. The sheer thought of staying in the area any longer than I already have…instantly starts to make me feel claustrophobic. However, I know if I had an amazing creative outlet like Animation Mentor, I could do it. I could stay. For a bit. For 18 months… 

At the same time though, my grandparents are healthy (I would be staying with them while in C.A, at least to start out with), I’m not married, I still have some time before loans come due and I have the ache to be in the sunshine state. But I don’t have a set-in-stone-job out there. I’d be a giant leap of faith, one that might not pay off...and one that might end up seeming monotonous to me, over time.   

Sigh. 

 I’m done rambling. At least this gives you a glimpse into what in the world my brain is thinking at the moment. I’m a confused person with way too many options. Maybe I’ll just forget about everything and shop around for that eye-cream. Anybody have any good suggestions for ones that prevent stress-lines? :) 

-Christi