"Home" and other passions...

Isn't it crazy how quickly a sorrow so deep can come over your soul?
In an instant you can be happy and then all of a sudden, a wave of emotion can crash over you- so strongly that it takes your breath away and replaces it with salty tears.

That wave hit me tonight.
I'm a little confused by it actually.
Dangit Nicci, you shouldn't have posted those darn wedding photos.

1. It made me miss being blonde
2. It made me miss you all so much. So. So. So. So. Much.

My family is the greatest gift Jesus has ever given me. In a world that's so rampant with hurt, abuse and horrible family trauma...my family has been a stark and beautiful contrast. No matter how far, no matter how annoyed, no matter how much I've pretended to hate...I cannot deny my binding love for my family. As I get older I realize more and more how thankful and blessed I am to call myself a daughter of Jennifer and Gregory Praniewicz...and a sister to Shelli and Nicci. Each one of them in their own way has been a hero to me. I could spend hours writing about their gifts, apologizing for being such a sarcastic brute at times and hours thanking each one for their love - but I'd pray and hope at the end of the day, they could each feel it without me having to express a word.

Gosh, I'm sappy tonight.

"Home" what an interesting word. A word that is SO deep, so meaningful, so important to each and every one of us whether we deny it or not. We all have our "homes" the places we rest our heads at night - the place we feel most comfortable in our own skin...

Or do we?



I guess I'm beginning to understand the depth of the word "home" these days. Where is my home? Where is the place I feel most comfortable being in my own skin? If we really stop and mull over that question, I think more often than not, one would rarely answer the question with a "place." Rather, I believe a person would answer it with a passion, a person or...maybe a memory?

I'm open to debate regarding this question, but in feeling rather vulnerable and raw in my recent excursions from my physical "home" in Michigan...I would be very quick to conclude my life and recent experiences as proof that "home" is not a physical space or frame of mind.

So then, I revert back to my recently posted question. What is "home?" Or I guess, "where is home?"

For me, "home" is a deep and interesting concept. "Home" refers to a relentless passion that wells up in my belly at unexpecting times. I guess one could say that this passion enraptures me for days and is the main drive behind my day to day steps and choices. This passion is my drive for adventure...

Or at least I thought it was my drive for adventure.

However, tonight I had an interesting thought...a thought that may be a bit contrary to what I've held to be true for SO long about myself. What if "Home" this place that I'm most comfortable in -Moreover, my passion for adventure...is actually a God calling. I mean, we all know that we each have certain gifts and passions from the Lord...but what if I've been honing my passion for adventure in the wrong direction all this time?

I'd like to share with you an excerpt from a paper I wrote as a Freshman in college.

"There they stood, the dirty, disgusting, heart-breaking, beautiful children. There were dozens of them; they were all standing trying to sell plates of repulsive food out their windows. Their emaciated arms extended out the open windows, each trying to hold the plates farther out than their competitors. ¡“Señora, señora! Compre mi alimento!” (“Lady, lady! Buy my food!”)  They all shouted. All of their voices morphed into one cry, and it became impossible to tell which voice was coming from which child. I wanted to help them all. I wanted to fix the broken despair that bled from their hearts and showed so evidentially on their troubled faces. As I walked through the sea of children, plates, rotten food, and voices... I was completely overtaken with a sorrow so strong, it caused me to weep." 

It took a series of events this past week to remind me of these children. You see...that right there is the BIGGEST REASON I went into media. I wanted to tell those stories. I wanted to influence, inspire and bring awareness to people through films that open peoples eyes to the "bigger picture."

The passion in my belly is welling as it often does...
But this time, when I stop to think about it, the passion seems bitter towards the materialistic "adventure" (example...Pixar) and instead so awakening to the thought of going on a God ordained adventure. Following the true calling of what "home" may be and maybe always has been to me...

I think I just needed a reminder tonight.

So, what am I going to do about this welling passion?
Honestly, I'm not sure yet...but...I don't want to ignore it. I truly think it's a reminder from the Lord and to ignore it would be destructive to the calling he has placed on my life.

I just pray He would give me wisdom and a clear direction as to when/if/where He wants me to go from here and how He wants me to use my talents.

Enough rambles.
My eyes are sleepy.
I love you my friends, my sisters, my brothers and my beloved family.
I pray the Lord stirs up a bit of a passion in you...maybe a passion you've been ignoring.