Waffles and lonely thoughts.

Tonight is a bitter-sweet night for me. I'm feeling lonely. Proof of this is I'm wearing Kemps Superhero P'J pants, have all three cats locked in the bedroom with me and am eating a stack of 5 waffles. I'm sure I'll regret the waffle part later...but for now, I'll nom nom away.

Mmmmm...Syrup.

I have the best family in the world. My mom has always been a rock of encouragement for me, my dad has always provided to the best of his abilities and my sisters are some of my best friends. I'm sad to leave this nice, warm, little bubble of family safety...and maybe, possibly, a little scared too.

4 days...4 short...minuscule days. When Wednesday rolls around, I'll put my big-girl panties on, shuffle onto a little jet plane headed to California and work my buns off to get a job when I get there.

I used to think that I didn't need anyone...that I could handle things on my own. I still struggle with accepting people's help sometimes. I find myself constantly wanting to do things myself, to handle situations on my own...I guess somewhere in the back of my mind, it's weakness to need anyone. This thought process is completely ludicrous and I'm slowly changing my warped way of thinking. (Thank goodness.)

However, as I've been changing, I'm starting to realize "Holy cow, I want to take so many people with me!" and "Oh my goodness, can I really do this on my own?!" I've been blessed to have a huge net of support in Michigan and it's honestly taken me this long to realize the full impact of this reality. 4 years ago I would have packed up everything and moved to California without a care or concern. Today I'll still pack up everything and move...but this time, I care. I care about who I'm leaving and the relationships that I've forged here. I love my family, friends and Kemp...and I deeply want to maintain these relationships.

I guess I'm a little scared of feeling alone...like how I feel tonight. (The cats aren't exactly what I would call riveting company) I never used to feel this way, I guess it's what comes with opening up your heart more.

Heh.

Seems like an unfair trade-off.

One of my prayers is that I would meet someone in California, a friend, a companion who shares my same dogmas and is alive in spirit and dreams. I'm a Michigander. A girl who wears thrift store clothes and uses drug-store makeup. I fully expect to feel a little bit like a fish out of water in California...but that doesn't bother me. I'm used to being a little quirky and feeling a bit like an outsider. What bothers me is the thought of leaving the warm hammock of safety in Michigan and never really finding anything close to it out there. Sure I'll have extended family in California, but that family wasn't raised the way I was raised. They may or may not hold different truths and different foundations. Of course they will love me and of course I will love them...but will we really, truly understand one another? I'm not sure.

So, join in my prayer with me, my prayer that I would find someone who's a bit like me, an outsider, someone searching for an adventure and is fully vivacious about life. If I find that person or that group of people...I think I'll feel a bit more at home.

4 days.

I love you, friends.

Oh, also...this is my new hair! 8 inches off. When it's straight you can see more of the asymmetricalness. It's definitely a unique hair-cut (and I'm back to blonde!)...it feels more like me :)