The ship has sailed?

In life we're given choices; where to go to school, where to live, where to work, who to marry...endless choices.


We make our choices as best we can and then truck forward as the life-path that follows those choices is revealed. Sometimes regrets are inevitable, "Wow, I should have taken that job..." "Moving to Colorado was a bad choice..." etc. However, most of the time we move forward with our decisions, content with the path that results from our choices. However, occasionally someone or something pops up in the middle of our path that reminds us of the journey that could have ensued from making a different choice in regards to them/it. Sometimes they offer us a second chance to experience what's down the un-explored path. It's tempting, it's alluring to a curious soul...but is it and should it...be welcomed and experienced? Sometimes it's painful to re-live those thoughts. Sometimes it's a beautiful memory. What do you do when it's both? What do you do when you desperately want to experience what "could have been" but you also love the life-path your currently on? 


It's a hard question to answer. 
A question that I will probably always struggle with. 

This particular scenario reminds me of the movie "The Family Man." My friend Mindy reminded me of this movie today...and what a great movie it is. The IMDb synopsis reads: 

"A fast-lane investment broker, offered the opportunity to see how the other half lives, wakes up to find that his sports car and girlfriend have become a mini-van and wife." 

But it's more than that, really. It's a beautiful story about what could have been, about dreams un-shared and memories never revealed. The main character gets to experience life down another path...a path he previously ignored. It wasn't a life path as glamorous as his previous life...but it was filled with LOVE and a beautiful family. It's a story about examining what you want out of life, about what's important - it's a good reminder for me to do this in my own life. Of course, as Hollywood usually does, they wrap up the story with sparkles, bubbles and happy rainbows. Everyone lives happily ever after (or so they lead us to believe) and the audience is left with feelings of warm fuzzies inside. 

Part of me is so jealous of this fictional Hollywood character. I desperately want a glimpse down the unknown paths that lie ahead and the ones I left behind. I want to know the "What if's" and "What could have beens." I want to know if I made the right choice, or if I should have taken the non-logical path because it would have held...more. "More" not in terms of wordly gain...but "more" of something else. You know, happy stuff? 

Gah. My head is pounding. 

Why did Jesus give me a brain so capable of thinking? 

Sometimes I would rather think about easy things...like...say...puppies, or, clouds. 

*sigh*

I think at the end of the day though...

What gives me peace with the "what if's" and the "could-of-would-of-should-ofs" is the stark reality that the paths I take and the decisions I make...come complete with the peace only the savior can provide. I can't start thinking too much in terms of "Well I should have..." or "I wonder..." because I realize I'm right where I am...because I'm supposed to be here...because that's where Jesus put me. Although my current position may hold struggles or I may be tempted to daydream, think in terms of regrets or think only in the "what if's"...the resonating thought I'm left with is always "Be content in the NOW." Dreams and the "what if's" often aren't as lovely when they become reality. Often it's easier said than done though...

Each day holds choices...what are you going to chose today? 

Regrets and mistakes they're memories made, 

who would have known how bitter-sweet this would taste.

-Adele  

When a man says..."I want to be your biggest fan."

I once had a guy that I was dating tell me: "I figured you were tired of hearing you were beautiful, so...I decided before we were dating that I wasn't going to tell you that often." 


I wish I could go back in time and change what I said to him. In fact, I can't even remember what I replied with. I'm sure it was something half-stunned and not very accurate to what I was feeling in that moment. If I could scuttle into a time-machine and transport myself back to that moment I would give him a solid piece of advice that I think would help him in his later years of dealing with women...

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" 

I think that's pretty accurate to what I was feeling in that moment.
You know, and now that I think about it, maybe he was trying to make it sound like a half sort of complement? Maybe? I guess I'll never truly know...but, I would like to translate that seemingly innocent statement to what a woman hears:

"Hi, I'm the man who you adore the most...the man you absolutely love...the man you really only care to look beautiful for...and I've decided I'm not going to tell you you're pretty."


The first part of the statement ("I figured you were tired of...bla bla bla") is almost completely un-heard and irrelevant to a woman. She'll take the last part of the statement ("...So I've decided to not tell you that often...") and it'll feel like a small knife to her heart.

It doesn't matter if she's the most beautiful woman in the world and everybody has told her 10,000x...she CRAVES to hear it from you, the man she loves, more than anyone.

ANYONE.
Anyone.

Got it? (Men, go tell your woman she's pretty)

Women are strong creatures, but we're also very vulnerable, very fragile. I know some women will probably disagree, but I'd say as a general statement this is extremely true. We are sensitive, so deal with us gently.

I've always fancied myself a strong-willed woman; I'm highly independent and extremely adventurous. I've known what I've wanted for a long time and I've ventured out to try and make those dreams happen...but deep down, there will always be the desire to be taken care of and loved more than anything else. It's innate to women, we're wired this way.

Jamers recently called me up out of the blue and said "Hey babe, I just wanted to call and tell you that I'm sorry...I'm sorry I haven't been your biggest fan as much as I should be. I want to be your biggest fan and I'm going to work on that." I was completely surprised by his apology and frankly couldn't understand what he meant. I mean, James is the kind of guy who will show up on your doorstep with a rose in hand and a ridiculous grin on his face. The kind of guy who hands you a little gourd and says "I got this for you to put by your bed...for Fall!" I mean, really? I gourd!? What kind of man goes out of his way to buy you a gourd to put by your bed for the Fall season? AN AMAZING MAN. That's what kind of man. (Men, go buy your woman a gourd)

Anyways...

I didn't understand his apology...until tonight.

Yesterday I put together a Pinterest Board of pictures that inspire me (decorating wise) for my future apartment. Now, I'm nowhere near getting an apartment, or have the kind of money that it would take to decorate an apartment this way; but I still immensely enjoy planning and brainstorming ideas for the future. Last night I asked him if he had seen any of the pictures (I was curious to see what he thought of my style) and he responded with "Oh, no? I didn't see them...I'll have to check them out tomorrow after work." No problem. It wasn't of dire importance that he look at the pictures and I honestly wouldn't have minded if he never even looked at them.

Today James spent around 9 hours washing windows. I can only imagine how tired and hungry he must be when he gets off work...9 hours of window washing!? That's tough. Especially on top of being a full time creative genius filmmaker man.

Despite that though, I received a text from him around 7:00pm that read: "Just got home from work, I'm gonna go inside and check out your picture postings!" 


I was blown away.

I literally could not believe he remembered (after washing windows for hours, being probably starving and extremely tired) to look at my silly pictures.

THEN, he called me...to talk about my pictures.
TO TALK ABOUT MY PICTURES!

He wanted to know where I drew my inspiration from, why I liked the colors I liked, he gave ideas for art and just listened to me babble on excitedly about each and every little minute detail (knowing all the while that it wasn't even a possibility at this point to implement any of these ideas.)

Wow.

In that moment I got it; James is my biggest fan.

What makes me excited, makes him excited.
What makes me happy, makes him happy.
What's important to me...often comes before what's important to him.
And he never makes me feel anything short of brilliant.

I've never had a biggest fan like him. He unashamedly protects me and flaunts me, see's through my "independent" exterior to my softness and genuinely takes interest in whatever I'm excited about. It's beautiful.

I don't think he truly knows the kind of impression he's leaving on my heart, but I do hope he knows It makes me want to strive more to be HIS biggest fan, to go out of my way to make him feel special and remembered.

It means very little to have everybody tell you you're special, loved or beautiful...but it means EVERYTHING to have one person...a biggest fan.

Sure there will be plenty squabbles to come, but it's been a huge blessing to me to realize my biggest fan isn't someone sitting somewhere on the sidelines. He's the person right there in the midst of the game, playing right along side me, encouraging me and frankly, taking the bigger beating for me - I think we're off to a great start.

Thank you for looking at my pictures Jamers. :)

How to run a Successful Student Film Casting Call.

So, you wanna host a casting call eh?

First off, know what you’re getting into. Running a successful casting call in Michigan (Especially a Student-film Casting call) is like trying to…well, um…basically it’s just a lot of hard work. Don’t just think because your film has an awesome title thralls of actors are going to rush to your audition location by the Craiglist posting they found.

It doesn’t work that way. At least, not here. It honestly is “hit or miss” sometimes, but these tips will hopefully make it more of a “hit.”

What you need to know and what you need to do to have a successful Casting Call:

• STEP 1. Decide who is going to be in charge of the casting process and create an E-mail address for this short film. You don’t want to use your personal E-mail addy. In this case our E-mail address will be: billysgoldfishthefilm@gmail.com. Check this E-mail OFTEN and respond to EVERY email inquiry about the short film (But make sure it’s ONE person who’s doing the responding). Be professional and use correct grammar and spelling. Even if someone sends and E-mail that says “Hey I herd about this movie at Craigslist here is my picture, I want to be billy.” – THIS COULD BE YOUR BILLY, so don’t you dare not E-mail him back. Or worse, don’t you dare not E-mail him back professionally. Make sure you start it out with “Thank you for your interest in auditioning for Cornerstone University’s short film “Billy’s Goldfish.” And then go on to answer any questions or give more details. Etc.

• STEP 2. Secondly, create a universal posting that you can submit through E-mail, online and to casting directors. It should sound something like this:

Cornerstone University is hosting a Casting Call, APRIL 2nd 7-9pm (come anytime) for “Billy’s Goldfish”- a Short film about a young boy and his magical fish.

(Basically, state the important stuff first and then give a catchy brief description of the film- in this case, it’s about a boy and his magical fish. I mean, COME ONE, who wouldn’t want to audition for this short film!!)  Next, tell them who you’re looking for and any physical description you have for that character!